Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Anger

I've been avoiding the whole blog thing. I thought I could start new... and just move on. Not as easy as I'd hoped. I’ve been recently contemplating just maybe going another route and opening a new site. But as I sit here, in my couch/bed, looking at life and wondering what happened... I felt I needed to get something off my chest. I HONESTLY FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS. I used to turn to her and tell her everything and anything. Now I turn, and I just bottle it up. So here it is... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL. I think sometimes I'm good, and I wake up and go about my day. Then, something reminds me of it, or someone post pics, and it all comes back. FUCK. It kills me, because I've lost the belief in trust. I honestly feel that I can't trust anyone. Like who really would, if happened to walk into her, really stand up for me and say... YOU DID THE MOST FUCKED UP THING TO HIM... AND IT AINT COOL... SO FUCK YOU... Who? Aside from my family who are obliged to take my side, I had, or have "friends" that I’ve always treated like family. BUT who would, and who would not say anything knowing the torture I’ve gone thru. Within the year I’ve been promoted, making more, working harder, keeping busy, and doing better externally. Internally, no one really understands the slow death I'm living. The Pain is something I wish on no one. I loved you, I love you... I hate you... Leave me the Fuck alone.

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